Text me
by Impassive Tears
Summary: A collection of humorous texts between the South Park boys and girls.
1. Craig & Tweek

**11:15**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Tweek?_

**11:17**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Yep_

**11:18**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Come to my house? I'm bored._

**11:23**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Tweek?_

**11:28**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_TWEEK_

**11:40**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_I had an accident..._

**11:41**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_What kind of accident? Are you alright?_

_**11:43**_

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Clyde came up behind me when I was doing a shift and he scared me..._

**11:44**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_I'll beat him up for you. So what happened? Did you spill coffee over him? Wish I could have been there to see that ;)_

**11:45**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Don't beat anyone up Craig! You'll get in trouble again! And Clyde didn't mean to!_

**11:47**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Oh, and um, I spilt coffee over myself :(_

**11:48**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_I should have known :) My little spaz, you._

**11:51**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_I'm not your little spaz!_

**11:52**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Uh, yes you are, sweetie pie :3_

**11:52**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Ok._

**11:54**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_I need to go have a shower now! I'm all sticky :'(_

**11:55**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_That's what she said ;)_

* * *

**1****2:00**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Tweek?_

**12:06**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Baby, don't ignore me._

**12:07**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_I just got out of the shower! Sorry_

**12:08**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Are you still going to my house? Please, I love you._

**12:15**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_TWEEK ARE YOU COMING TO MY GODDAMN HOUSE OR NOT?_

**12:16**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_I'm coming!_

**12:16**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_That's what she said ;)_

* * *

**1:19**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Craig, can I come round yours? Stan and Kyle are being gay here ;)_

**1:20**

**From: Stan Marsh**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_Wrong number, Kenny._

**1:22**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Stan Marsh**

_Oh. Just... Joking._

* * *

**1:36**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Craig, can I come round yours? Stan just kicked me out ;)_

**1:37**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_No. I'm doing homework. And why did you put a winky face, weirdo?_

**1:41**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Because it make everything sound sexier ;) And hey, you're not doing homework! Tweek just put on his FaceBook that he's at your house!_

**1:46**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_Oh, did I say homework? Sorry, my bad. I'm meant to say something else._

**1:48**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_What?_

**1:51**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_What's blonde, spazzy and adorable?_

**1:52**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Me :)_

**1:53**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_You may be a spaz, and blonde, but you're not adorable._

**1:54**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Yeah I am ;)_

**1:56**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_t(-_-t)_

**1:58**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_...do you mean Tweek then?_

**1:59**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_There's your answer._

**2:01**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Oh. You're doing Tweek? LOL. You know how dirty that sounds right? ;)_

**2:04**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_Was my intention._

**2:04**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Dude._

**2:06**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Kenny McCormack**

_Goodbye Kenny._

**2:07**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Oh._

**2:07**

**From: Kenny McCormack**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_;)_

* * *

**6:34**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Craig!_

**6:35**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Yes, love?_

**6:35**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Don't call me that! We're not in love so I'm not your love!_

**6****:36**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_Oh :( Sorry, love._

**6:37**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_:(_

**6:37**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_:P_

**6:38**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Knock it off!_

**6:39**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_*Sigh* Fine. What did you want anyway?_

**6:41**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Why is Kenny telling me how to use condoms? And asking me how big your thing is? How the hell would I know that?!_

**6:42**

**From: Craig Tucker**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

_I hesitate to answer those questions in fear they may incriminate me._


	2. Clyde & Token

**1:23**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Dude, can we talk?_

**1:25**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_Dude, its almost half past one._

**1:26**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_YOUR POINT?_

**1:26**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Sorry, my stupid phone made me go on caps lock_

**1:27**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_I can see that_

**1:29**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_SO?_

**1:30**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_You need to get your phone fixed, and your the one who wanted to talk anyway._

**1:31**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Guess what._

**1:31**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_Clyde, it is way too early for me to be playing guessing games. Just tell me what you want already. I'll do anything to make you leave me alone._

**1:32**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_Unless it involves money, I'm not lending you anymore money._

**1:33**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Don't use that tone with me :( And hey, I'm not a gold digger!_

**1:34**_  
_

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Ok, maybe I am ;p_

**1:35**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_..._

**1:35**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Just joking. I love you and not just for your money :)_

**1:36**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Oh wait, on second thoughts, just for the money ;)_

**1:38**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Why aren't you replying?_

**1:39**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_I hate you so much right now._

**1:39**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_What why? ;_;_

**1:40**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_Clyde, what's the time?_

**1:41**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_It's about 20 to 2, why?_

**1:42**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Token Black**

_That is why I hate you_

**1:43**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_No, you don't, otherwise you wouldn't be replying :) _

**1:46**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Token?_

**1:50**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_You're so mean! I hate you! I'm breaking up with you!_

**1:55**

**To: Token Black**

**From: Clyde Donavon**

_Tokie? Token, I didn't mean it :(_

**1:55**

**To: Clyde Donavon**

**From: Virgin Media**

_Token Black has disconnected his phone._

**xx**

* * *

Please review; it makes me really happy! I was really nervous about the first chapter, because I didn't find it that funny, But I'm glad you guys did :) Ily all!


	3. Coon & Friends

**AN: Part one of Cartman trying to mess with people :p**

* * *

**1:45**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Craig hates you and the underpants gnomes are in your bed_

**1:51**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Craig doesn't hate Tweek. He fucking loves him. You're mistaken – the gnomes are in your mom's bed._

**1:52**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Sorry, Craig took my phone and deleted my messages! What's wrong?_

**1:53**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Nothing. Stop being a fag._

**1:54**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Oh. Um, okay?_

**1:55**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_The Game._

**1:56**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! _

**2:05**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Hey, hey Kyle_

**2:06**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_Eat shit. I'm busy._

**2:07**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Busy with what? Fantasising over him again?_

**2:09**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_Get it through your fat head. I don't like Stan in that way._

**2:10**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_I didn't say his name, did I? Somebody have a fag crush here, Kahl?_

**2:15**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_I hesitate to elaborate in fear that I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy_

**2:16**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_What_

**2:20**

**To: Stan Marsh**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Wendy's breaking up with you_

**2:23**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Stan Marsh**

_Figures_

**2:24**

**To: Stan Marsh**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_What?_

**2:25**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Stan Marsh**

_Oh, you know, she just found out her baby is yours from when you guys messed around at that party a while ago. Dude, how drunk were you?_

**2:28**

**To: Stan Marsh**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_YOU HAVE GOT TO BE SCREWING AROUND I FUCKING HATE WENDY SHE'S A BITCH HIPPIE_

**2:31**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Stan Marsh**

_I'm just joking. As if anyone would ever want you lol_

**2:33**

**To: Stan Marsh**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Screw you -_-_

* * *

**_Review, suckers. Also, not going to update Kyle's Mission until I get two more reviews. _**


	4. Craig & Tweek 2

**12:05**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Craig Tucker**

_I found your diary. I know you like me ;)_

**12:05**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_WHAT OMGV CIUAWS_

**12:06**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_I thought I hid it :(_

**12:07**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Craig Tucker**

_Lol I didn't find your diary… I KNEW you liked me back._

**12:08**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Don't go to school tomorrow_

**12:09**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Craig Tucker**

_Uh, why?_

**12:10**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_BECAUSE I'M GOING TO BURN THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU DOUCHEBAG_

**12:11**

**To: Tweek Tweak**

**From: Craig Tucker**

_So, boyfriends?_

**12:12**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Tweek Tweak**

_Maybe_

* * *

**I pretty much only did this chapter so that I could focus on the other characters, and get Creek out the way. I like the persistent, flirty Craig. What about you? Review. **


	5. Karen & Ruby

**10:15**

**To: Craig Tucker**

**From: Kenny McCormick**

_So, you're dating Tweek now?_

**10:16**

**To: Kenny McCormick**

**From: Craig Tucker**

_Yup_

**10:18**

**To: Craig Tucker**

_Eh, it was good times while it lasted ;)_

* * *

**1:50**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Hey idiot_

**1:51**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_Hey idiot_

**1:52**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_Wtf you stupid daywalker_

**1:53**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_Wtf you stupid daywalker_

**1:54**

**To: Kyle Broflovski**

**From: Eric Cartman**

_UGH I HATE YOU KYLE SCREW YOU _

**1:54**

**To: Eric Cartman**

**From: Kyle Broflovski**

_Hahahaha_

* * *

**3:42**

**To: Karen McCormick**

**From: Ruby Tucker**

_Ike won't leave me alone_

**3:43**

**To: Ruby Tucker**

**From: Karen McCormick**

_Aw why_

**3:44**

**To: Karen McCormick**

**From: Ruby Tucker**

_I think he likes me_

**3:45**

**To: Ruby Tucker**

**From: Karen McCormick**

_Sorry I've got barely any texts left - I gotta go. Maybe you should tell him how you feel X_

**3:45**

**To: Karen McCormick**

**From: Ruby Tucker**

_Fine bye x_

* * *

**3:48**

**To: Ike Broflovski**

**From: Ruby Tucker**

_About you liking me,_

**3:49**

**To: Ruby Tucker **

**From: Ike Broflovski**

_Yes :)_

**3:50**

**To: Ike Broflovski**

**From: Ruby Tucker**

_t(-.-)t_


	6. Author's Note

This story will be discontinued for the time being. Thank you for reading.


End file.
